FIND SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT THAT DOESN’T SUCK.
We are remarkably loyal to thoughts that make us miserable.
We’ll find a story that makes us feel terrible and think:
Yes. This one. Let’s play it another 47 times.
Then we replay the conversation.
Explain what happened.
Imagine what we should have said.
Imagine what they might say.
Work out what it all means.
Tell somebody else.
Tell ourselves again.
Wake up the next morning and — excellent news — the record is still right where we left it.
Needle down.
Same groove.
Same story.
Same feeling.
Again.
Sometimes this is useful.
We do need to process things.
Sometimes telling the story helps us understand what happened.
Sometimes anger gives us something we needed.
Sometimes analysing something genuinely reveals something new.
But eventually you have to ask:
Is this still doing anything for me?
I love Esther Hicks’ analogy of chewing gum.
At first, there’s flavour.
Then you keep chewing.
And chewing.
And chewing.
Eventually there’s nothing left.
But you keep chewing the same flavourless lump because it’s what is in your mouth.
Thoughts can be like that.
The story gave you something once.
Now you’re just chewing it.
Or perhaps you’ve got the same vinyl record going around and around on the player.
You know every word.
You know exactly how you feel by the second chorus.
Do you actually want to keep playing it? Do you want to keep feeling it?
Because here’s a revolutionary personal-development technique:
Think about something else.
Seriously.
It doesn’t even have to be profound. It’s often best if it’s not.
You don’t necessarily need to find a beautiful new interpretation of the thing that’s upsetting you.
Maybe stop thinking about the thing.
Think about your dog.
Dinner.
A holiday.
A ridiculous video someone sent you.
The fact that your bed is particularly comfortable.
Something you’re excited about.
Something funny.
Something interesting.
Something that simply doesn’t make you feel like crap.
You’re not pretending the other thing didn’t happen.
You’re not forbidden from ever thinking about it again.
You’re just taking the record off for a while.
And the interesting thing is that when you stop rehearsing the same thought, you also stop continually manufacturing the same feeling.
You give yourself a break. A mental break, an emotional break.
Sometimes we think transformation has to involve finding the right thought.
It doesn’t.
You just want to:
Find something to think about that doesn’t suck.
There is a reason why the shower, vacuuming, tinkering in the shed… mundane things often lead to fabulous insight.
And no, that doesn’t mean forcing yourself to think something ridiculously positive that you don’t remotely believe.
Because that’s a whole other problem.
Related idea: It’s Not Think Positive. It’s Feel Positive.